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China Offers Plan to End NCLB Stalemate

Another in the Series of News That You'll Get Nowhere Else.

BEIJING-- Worried about the bad press generated by a series of product safety scandal that resulted in massive recalls of pet food, toothpaste, tires, and toys, Chinese Deputy Vice Premier Lo Mein has announced the launch of a campaign to renew American faith in Chinese products. "Our teachers are highly qualified and they are unleaded," Lo announced, "And we think they can solve the stalemate on the renewal of No Child Left Behind."

Chinese Deputy Vice Premier Lo Mein Lo and other top Chinese figures are scheduled to meet with Rep. George Miller, chair of the Committee on Education and Labor, and Senator Edward Kennedy, chair of the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions. "We welcome global solutions," said an aide to Senator Kennedy.

Asked to comment on the import of Chinese teachers, NEA President Reg Weaver said, "What, me worry?" He added, "These Chinese teachers can provide role models for our students learning to achieve in the global economy."

A student journalist asked about the $200 billion a year trade in counterfeited consumer goods, with many fakes coming from China. "These fake medicines, fake car parts, and fake aircraft parts pose serious risks to the American public." Chinese Deputy Vice Premier Lo Mein replied, "I assure you these teachers are real. We won't be sending any fakes."

In his closing remarks, Lo admitted, "It's too late to recall the 70 million poisonous turkeys shipped to the U. S., but remember this: The bad spinach and the ground beef didn't come from us. And we already apologized for the poisoned Sponge Bob doll and the Dora the Explorer Game Pack. So get over it."

— Susan Ohanian



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