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NEA Urges Federal Government to Increase Its Economic Stimulus Plan

More news you will read nowhere else.


In an address to NEA affiliate leaders, Chris Snaggletooth, valet to NEA President Reg Weaver announced, "The success of the federal $150 billion emergency economic stimulus plan will hinge on an educated electorate. Missing from the White House economic stimulus package is a needed increase in education spending. Although the House has reportedly reached an agreement with the President, there is still time to influence the Senate."

Snaggletooth outlined the NEA's three-pronged plan for increased funding:.

  • Restore funds to Reading First. Then increase them. Then increase them again. And again.

    "Our members tell us they need lots more Literacy Coaches patrolling the hallways. And as everyone knows, NEA is really really in touch with the needs of classroom teachers."

  • Establish regional centers to train Nationally Certified Bubble Coaches.

    "Clearly, it is not appropriate to have hundreds of thousands of bubble kids unsupervised by trained and certified bubble coaches."

  • Establish factories to make needed crowns and scepters for district data managers.

    "Now that the Standardistos have achieved the laudable goal of making data king in schools, we must make sure that the nation recognizes and honors this noteworthy achievement by providing appropriate vestments of the position."

  • Fund the composition and orchestration of a proper NCLB song.

    " Christopher Cerf's little NCLB ditty was fine in its day, but now that NCLB approaches reauthorization, it needs a more substantial song. A song of substance. Think:
  • Volga Boat Song [Yo heave ho! Yo heave ho! DIBELS evermore, evermore.]
  • Schlage doch gewunschte Stunde BWV 53 [Come phonemic awareness, unto me].
  • Ein feste Burg ist unser Gott) [A Mighty Fortress Is Our Phonics.
  • 76 Test Scorers Led the Big Parade (76 test scorers led the big parade, with 110 Test Coaches close at hand).
  • Barbershop Quartet [Let Me Watch You Testing, I'm in love with CTB McGraw-Hill].
  • Testin' In the Schools (How many tests must a student take now/before you call him fit? The answer, my friend, is blowin' air from the Business Roundtable )
  • Or
  • Funeral Dirge for the Rotting Sun.
  • "On ceremonious occasions, the Marine Band plays 'Hail to the Chief' for the President. Congress could show its support of education by starting each session with 'Hail to NCLB.' School bands could play the song when the Secretary of Education visits.

    "And so on. The sky's the limit. Let's kick ass for NCLB Reauthorization the NEA Way. NCLB the NEA Way will offer needed impetus to the White House emergency economic stimulus plan."

  • NEA spokesperson Snaggletooth concluded his/her remarks by reminding affiliate leaders of NEA President Reg Weaver's incessant travels nationally and internationally, working tirelessly as an ambassador for public education and advocating for the basic right of every student to attend a great public school. Snaggletooth entreated affiliate leaders to rally their 3.2 million members to urge Congress to provide the funding needed for really great public schools. "Contact your representatives in Congress today, asking them to support a stimulus package that ensure we have the necessary resources to educate tomorrow's workers for a global economy ⢠® © ." (patent pending)

    You say you'd like to contact Reg Weaver? Good luck. There is no e-mail contact listed on the NEA website, not for Weaver nor any other executive. The NEA believes in the sewage method of communication: Go through channels.

    Sign up for NEA news to stay up-to-date on NCLB:
    ESEA/NCLB Update Issue 21 - October 13, 2006.

    You were expecting something more current? What, are you nuts? This is only three months outdated. NEA representatives are busy sitting at the table with members of Congress, the Business Roundtable, and other important folk. They'll update you when they can

    — staff



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