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Scientific Reading Draws Inspiration from Scientific Whaling

More news you will read nowhere else.

Shimonoseki, Japan -- A defiant Japan embarked on its largest whaling expedition in decades, targeting protected humpbacks for the first time since the 1960s despite international opposition. A brass band played "Popeye the Sailor Man" and whaling officials told the crowd that Japan should preserve its whale-eating culture and not give into militant activists.

The whalers plan to kill up to 50 humpbacks in what is believed to be the first large-scale hunt since a 1963 moratorium put the giant marine mammals under international protection.

A spokesman for Japan's Fisheries Agency stressed that this is a "scientific" whale hunt. Researchers do DNA sampling and measurements of whales which include earbone size, age, and most importantly, contents of the digestive tract.

McGraw-Hill global headquarters, Dubuque--

A jubilant Harold McGraw III, Chairman, President, and CEO of McGraw-Hill and Chairman of the Business Roundtable, greeted reading scientists on the footsteps of the new $32-million McGraw-Hill global headquarters in Dubuke.

Reading scientists operating under a special U. S. Department of Education grant and on loan to McGraw-Hill will examine the digestive tracts of children inducted into direct instruction phonics programs at 3 years of age compared with the digestive tracts of children who did not receive the benefits of phonics immersion until kindergarten.

A brass band played "Don't Cry for me Argentina" to launch this scientific endeavor. Amy Wilkins, principal partner at EdTrust, applauded the exciting new project, telling the crowd that the U. S. government should preserve its child-devouring precepts and not give in to whole language activists.

McGraw-Hill and U. S. State Education Department officials emphasized that no children will be killed in this first large-scale examination of the phonics influence on the digestive tract. "Reading scientists at the Yale Department of Pediatrics assure us this is safe. And scientific."

— staff
Press release



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