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Spellings and Kennedy Launch NCLB Fact-hiding Mission

Another in the series of news items you'll read nowhere else.

Washington, D. C.

In a joint news conference, Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings and Chairman of the United States Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee Sen. Edward Kennedy announced plans to embark on a bipartisan NCLB fact-hiding mission paralleling John McCain's recent trip to Iraq. According to Andy Borowitz, The Arizona senator said that his trip to Iraq was successful in part because he was able to obscure the actual facts with new facts of his own creation.

Senator Kennedy told NPR reporter (sic) Claudio Sanchez, "NCLB has become a political football in this intense campaign season, but we're in this until the 4th down, and we're not going to punt."

Asked what the options were, Kennedy explained, "We define our parameters and then success is a given. We're still searching out NCLB facts that suit us."

In the face of facts, the media asked no follow up questions.

Asked if FairTest is right and that her differentiated accountability plan is EQUIVALENT TO REARRANGING DECK CHAIRS ON TITANIC, Spellings replied, "I loved that movie."

Before the press conference, dozens of classroom teachers and parents gathered outside the U. S. Department of Education, offering harrowing testimony about NCLB outrages they had witnessed or participated in directly. In keeping with a longstanding tradition of ignoring public dissent, the corporate media ignored this demonstration .

— Susan Ohanian
The Eggplant



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