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The Eggplant

 

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The Compleat Standardisto Horoscope


Your Birthday Today

Invite political candidates who want a donation to join you in a SAT reunion party. All guests will take the test, with results posted in the local newspaper.

Aries March 21 - April 19

The stars indicate that this is a good week to assert yourself. Don't worry about ruffling a few feathers. They are only teachers.

Taurus April 20 - May 20

Although the Moon is now in your 2nd House of DIBELS, don't be petty enough to battle over small matters like recess. Just put your foot down and show them who's boss.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

A string of glorious planetary aspects suggest that your hard work will pay off and you will gain a personal interview with Margaret Spellings.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You are sure to have all the facts today, so don't hesitate about any brainstorm that pops up. Go for it!

Leo July 23 - August 22

Check the U. S. Department of Education website for immediate inspiration and resolve.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

Your phonemic awareness indicators continue to be strong, but you should be wary of any communication with parents today.

Libra September 23 - October 23

As the Moon in your sign joins restraining Saturn, do not waver in the vision provided by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, The Broad Education Foundation, NEA headquarters, Education Trust, and the Business Roundtable. Bring in more test prep.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21

With the Moon-Saturn conjunction in your 11th House of Groups, today is for teamwork. Assemble your team and tell them what to do. Carry a big stick.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

The stars are aligned to make purchase of stock in a #2 pencil company favorable.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19

Be assertive today. Despite rumors that are circulating, the teachers aren't really armed.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18

Remember who you carry water for. Hold fast to your belief that there are no life questions that data collection cannot solve.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

The stars indicate this is a good week to squash your enemies.

— Susan Ohanian
The Eggplant

2008-04-15


INDEX OF THE EGGPLANT


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