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Secretary of Education Considering Airlifting NCLB Report to Chile

Another in the series of news reports you will read nowhere else.

SANTIAGO, May 15, 2008 � Chile's Chaiten volcano groaned, rumbled and shuddered on Thursday, raising new concerns among authorities, as lightning bolts pierced the huge clouds of hot ash hovering ominously above its crater.--Reuters

An unidentified official at Chile's National Emergency Office, ONEMI, confirmed that the office has sent an emergency request to U. S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings. "We've asked her help us feed the hungry volcano."

"The US has millions of standardized tests," he said. "Surely US children would not be harmed if just one batch of tests was used to stave off disaster here in Chile."

The hungry Chaiten volcano, located 760 miles south of the capital Santiago, started erupting on May 2 for the first time in thousands of years, spewing ash, gas and molten rock into the air.

Margaret Spellings' office issued the following statement, "Although we regard Chile as an important ally and are grateful for their brave warriors joining our democratic efforts in Iraq, standardized tests are in the hands of the 50 individual states. Certainly, we cannot usurp states' rights in a matter so important as the testing of children."

An undersecretary of education confirmed that the staff is investigating the possibility of airlifting copies of the landmark NCLB bill to the disaster area. "At over 1,000 pages, a few copies will go a long way."

An EducatorRoundtable spokesman says their group is cautiously enthusiastic but advices officials at ONEMIC to check the paper for polluting properties. "As much as we would like to see NCLB incinerated, our benefit should not come at the cost of the health of innocent people."

— Susan Ohanian
The Eggplant



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