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The Eggplant


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DIBELS Au Gratin

Another item in the news you will read nowhere else.

"Tell me about DIBELS. Do you actually like DIBELS?"

"Sure," she said, although frequently she was disgusted by them, the sight of them, the sound of them, the taste of them, the smell of them. God, sometimes she didn't think she could look at another fucking DIBELS if her life depended on it. She was used to defending DIBELS, however, and she knew dozens of ways to make them palatable. She knew how to sing to them, dance to them, compose harmonics to them, do acrobatic set-ups to them, pull-a-rabbit-out-of-a hat to them, color them, laminate them, microwave them, saute them, bake them, steam, fry, boil, braise, roast, stew, and blanch them.

She knew how to serve them lyonnaised, au gratin, and a la barigoule. She knew how to serve them with peanut butter, chestnuts, gorgonzola, Hollandaise sauce, grapes, pomegranate, molasses, Beajolais, curry powder, fresh dill, clarified brown butter, pimientos, soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, and Marojam.

Teaching herself how to present DIBELS, she had learned to be a highly qualified short-order teacher, but she was rarely called on to teach anything more complicated than a scripted lesson. It seemed she was full of talents that were of no particular value to anyone in charge.

— Susan Ohanian, with a nod to
The Eggplant



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