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U. S. Department of Education's Little Red Schoolhouse 'Front' Vandalized by Militant Activists

Another item in the news you will read nowhere else.

A convoy of Barbies in pink and purple Beach Cruisers, accompanied by a massive deployment of GI Joe Action Figures in heavily armored vehicles with pivoting turrets and side mounted missiles have surrounded one of the U.S. Department of Education's little red school house facades today and are demanding to speak to reporters.

The move follows U.S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings' endorsement of a new line of Barbie dolls and accessories marketed to help poor children raise their standardized test scores, and occurs amidst growing evidence that high-stakes testing is doing our nation's most vulnerable children far more harm than good while lining the pockets of private industry. Growing numbers of the Mattel fashion dolls are outraged that they have been exploited to sell products that promote the oppressive education reforms being engineered by powerful corporate interests.

Initially, it was surmised that the Barbies may have used their feminine wiles to recruit the aid of the GI Joes but late breaking developments have left little doubt that the Joes' commitment to abolishing high-stakes testing and the No Child Left Behind Act is genuine. Clearly, they regard their female allies as much more than just toys.

When security officers attempted to block the activists' access to reporters, a Commander Steel ordered his troops to open fire on the little red school house. The red facade was sprayed with artillery fire from the armored vehicles, sustaining minor damage.

Clad in green uniform with weapon belt, grenade harness, and helmet with comm gear, Communications Officer Breaker was able to speak to a reporter. "We have reason to believe that officials in the Bush administration have been secretly negotiating with the Hasbro Company to manufacture and promote a very expensive line of GI Joes designed to keep poor kids in their place. We ain't gonna let it happen."

Breaker explained the new GI Joe line would be composed of action figures and equipment incorporating technology that only the wealthiest families would be able to afford. Play and interaction with the Joes and accessories would subtly train the children of America's ruling class in methods of recruiting and impelling poor children to take risks - so the elite Joes could survive to selflessly take the blame in the event of total catastrophe. Play would also include learning to use technology to develop a centralized database of information about high school students to satisfy NCLB's recruiting provisions.

Breaker's claims have not been substantiated and the standoff continues.

— Correspondent
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