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Michele Rhee Makes Deal with FBI

Another in the item in the news you will read nowhere else.

WASHINGTON (special to The Eggplant)

After hearing on CNN reports that the FBI is about to embark on its biggest hiring spree since immediately after the September 11, 2001, Washington D. C. uber-chancellor Michelle Rhee picked up the phone.

"Experience in D. C. schools makes our teachers the people you need," Rhee told FBI chief Robert S. Mueller, III. Rhee assured the FBI leader that hundreds of D. C. teachers are ready to make a deal.

"A large number of D. C. teachers indicate they are ready for a career change," said Rhee. "Teachers are well-prepared to be special agents. They can easily handle the enforcement of over 300 federal statutes and their classroom experience makes them adept at investigating terrorism, foreign counterintelligence, cyber crime, organized crime, white-collar crime, public corruption, civil rights violations, financial crime, bribery, bank robbery, extortion, kidnapping, air piracy, interstate criminal activity, fugitive and drug-trafficking matters, and other violations of federal statutes."

Rhee indicated that the DC Public School 5-Year Action Plan, with its measurable actions and initiatives based on a clear focus on performance data, makes a redployment of staff a necessity. "Through data mining, we have perfected our use of the data that proves the case," insisted Rhee, noted for her allegiance to strategic data-driven decision-making. She invited Mueller to visit the D. C. Public Schools data warehouse--to see how it compares with the Bureauâ??s Investigative Data Warehouse.

"Moving teachers to the FBI is easier than trying to fire them, and we need room for young and energetic Teach for America Ivy League graduates who understand our mission," an unnamed staff member acknowledged. "This move would fit it well with our Renew, Revitalize, and Reorganize plan for the District of Columbia Public Schools."

George Parter, head of new and improved Washington Teachers Union (WTU) dedicated to improving the quality of support, resources, compensation and working environment for more than 4,000 DC Public School teachers so that they can provide a quality education for all District of Columbia public school children, was unavailable for comment.

— staff
The Eggplant



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