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Caroline is People Like Us

Guest writer: Smellington B. Worthington III

Smellington B. Worthington III is a self-made man. He pulled himself up with just the sweat of his brow, the grit in his character, a portfolio of stocks and properties, a substantial inheritance, an ivy-league education, and a hefty trust fund. In his younger years, Mr. Worthington attended private schools, as do his three children. He is now selflessly turning his valuable time and attention toward the public schools, in order to produce a better, more reliable class of worker.

Smellington is extremely busy and cannot promise to respond to correspondence. However, you may reach him at smellingtongATgmail.com.

I say, thereâ??s been a lot of brouhaha over Caroline, and let me be the first to point out that sheâ??s strictly PLU. Meanwhile, every pleb with a typewriter is out to dash her hopes. Now the Kennedys have been in it long enough to be considered not quite old money, but old enough money to get the job done. So letâ??s stop these preposterous protests from the New York Times, which seems to have considerably less capital than Caroline.

Sheâ??s a grand old girl, doing her bit for Mikey, and helping make the city school system what it is today, Why, without the likes of Caroline, the Smellington Academy would be a mere pipe dream. But thanks to Mikey and Joel, and now Caroline, weâ??ll have it up and running in a jiffy. Gadzooks, what a bunch of whiners out there on the internets!

Now that Mikey has stood up to let the bootless and unhorsed know their laughable elections are of no consequence. we can be sure that heâ??ll be there protecting our interests for the forseeable future. Naturally, I regret Chatsworth will not be taking over, but the truth is old Chatty has been overindulging the alcohol of late, and may not have been in the best position to protect our interests.

Remember, Caroline is our girl, and when sheâ??s in the Senate sheâ??ll remember on which side her bread is buttered.

— Smellington B. Worthington III
Billionaires for Educational Reform


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