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Recipes for the Obama-Duncan Upgraded NCLB: Skilling the Gustatory Learner

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Gustatory Ordered Operational Feasibility (GOOF), cutting-edge, 21st Century research funded by the Broad Foundation and implemented in the Chicago Public School System, will get top billing from Secretary of Education Arne Duncan's staffers. GOOF brings science-on-the- cusp phenomenology to every schoolchild in the land. This scientific breakthrough reveals that the scientific knowledge base for closing the skills gap converges on five "big ideas" in early skills development of the gustatory learner: Aroma, Delicacy, Relish, Texture, and Variety.

Wanting to maintain their place in leadership for 21st century practitioners, NCTE and IRA have teamed up with the Culinary Institute to issue a joint proposal for funds to get GOOF Coaches into the schools. According to their press release: "Gustatory learning coaches have great potential to provide professional development and to assist classroom teachers in delivering critical skills instruction for 21st Century Learners. These coaches can fulfill needs where raditional teacher training institutions have failed to provide these science-based critical knowledge and skills."

The NCTE/IRA/Culinary Institute position statement defines the role of the gustatory coach; describes what a gustatory coach should know and be able to do; and provides prescriptions for policymakers, school administrators, gustatory specialists, gustatory coaches, classroom teachers, and resident goat herders.

GOOF PROGRAM DESCRIPTION
Gustatory Ordered Operational Feasibility (GOOF) focuses on putting proven/guaranteed/measurable methods of early gustatory instruction in classrooms across America, providing the critical thinking skills necessary for workers in the 21st century. Through GOOF, states and districts receive support to apply scientifically based research-- and the proven and necessary instructional and assessment tools consistent with this research--to ensure that all children are ready to become workers for the 21st century.

Only programs that are founded on
scientifically based GOOF research are eligible for funding through GOOF grants. Funds are allocated to states according to the proportion of children age 5 to 17 who reside within the state and who are from families with incomes below the poverty line. Rich kids don't need this, and under the new, improved outsourcing guidelines, corporate America doesn't need rich kids.

The Department is authorized to reserve 0.5 percent of GOOF funds for awards to the outlying areas (American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, and the U.S. Virgin Islands) and 0.5 percent to be awarded to the Bureau of Indian Affairs. The Department also is authorized to reserve up to 2.5 percent for national activities and program evaluation and $5 million for information dissemination activities.

TYPES OF PROGRAMS This program provides assistance to states and districts to establish scientifically based GOOF programs for students enrolled in kindergarten through grade three. Funds support increased professional development to ensure that all teachers have the skills they need to teach these programs effectively. The program also supports the use of screening and diagnostic tools and classroom-based instructional assessments to measure how well students are acquiring GOOF skills and to monitor their progress.

GOOF is endorsed by the AFT, NEA, Business Roundtable, Education Trust, The Urban League, Mayor Bloomberg, The New York Times editorial board, Bill Gates, and Paris Hilton.

GOOF Overview of Necessary Skills

ALPHABET ACQUISITION

  • Antipasto

  • Anchovies

  • Andouille

  • Arugula

  • Alfalfa
  • Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Absinthe and Animal Crackers

    BLENDS BASICS
  • Blanched

  • Baked

  • Boiled

  • Breaded

  • Barbecued
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Beer and Blinis

    CVC WORDS, CCVC WORDS, CVCC COMBINATIONS
  • Canned

  • Condensed

  • Creamed

  • Curried

  • Charred
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Cointreau and Cheetos

    DECODING DICTUMS
  • Diced

  • dunked

  • deveined

  • Deviled

  • Deep-fat fried
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Drambuie and Donuts

    EXPLICIT INSTRUCTION
  • Escargot

  • Enchilada

  • Eggplant

  • Endive

  • Eclair
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Evian and Escarole

    FLUENCY FORMULAE
  • Fiddleheads

  • Fajita

  • Foo Yung

  • Fricassee
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Fragolino di Nemi Wild Strawberry Liqueur and frankfurters

    GRAPHEME GUIDELINES
  • Grits

  • Ghee

  • Gnocchi

  • Granola

  • Gumbo
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Godiva Caramel Milk Chocolate Liqueur and Gherkins

    HIGH-STAKES HEGEMONY
  • Ham Hocks

  • Hummus

  • Horseradish

  • Hollandaise

  • Hot Wheels
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Hitori Musume Nigori Unflitered and Hi Hos

    LETTER-SOUND LOGISTICS
  • Lucky Charms

  • Ladyfingers

  • Licorice

  • Lard
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Lusignian Dessert Wine and linguini

    MORPHEME MAXIMS
  • Molasses

  • Moussaka

  • Mu Shu

  • Mulligatawny

  • Miso
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Moet & Chandon Brut Imperial Rose and Mallomars

    NAEP
  • Nachos

  • Needlefish

  • Noodles

  • Nabulsi cheese

  • nutmeg
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Nagasaki Junmai-Ginjo and Nickelodeon Green Slime Cereal

    ORTHOGRAPHIC ORDINANCE
  • Osso Buco

  • Okra

  • Oreos

  • Omelet

  • Oatmeal
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Ouzo and Orzo

    PHONEME PRESCRIPTIONS
  • Pasteurized

  • Pureed

  • Pickled

  • Poached

  • Powdered

  • Puffed

  • Processed

  • Preserved

  • Potted
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Pinot Noir and Pretzels

    ROOT WORDS REGIMEN
  • Rigatoni

  • Ratatouille

  • Rhubarb

  • Ricotta

  • Rutabaga
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Remy Red Berry Infusion and Rice Krispies

    SCHWAS STATUTE
  • Sauteed

  • Scalloped

  • Stuffed

  • Scrambled

  • Saturated
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Singapore Sling and S'Mores

    SEGMENTATION SYSTEM
  • Spaghetti

  • Strudel

  • Sea Urchin

  • Stove Top Stuffing

  • Sauerkraut
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Southern Comfort and Smurf Berry Crunch

    TEST PREP TAXONOMY
  • Tamales

  • Tuna Tartar

  • Tabouli

  • Tempura

  • Tapioca
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Tequila and Twinkies

    VOWEL IN VITRO
  • Vermicelli

  • Vindaloo

  • vichyssoise

  • Velveeta

  • Vegan Sausage
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: Vermouth and Vanilla Wafers

    WORD ATTACK WARRANTY
  • Wheat Germ

  • Waffles

  • White Sauce

  • Whey

  • Whale blubber
  • Highly Qualified Teacher Food Groups Benchmark: White Russian and Wheatina

    Health Alert: The office of the Acting U. S. Surgeon General, Rear Admiral Steven K. Galson has issued a warning that the DIBELS Wallbanger puts all students at risk. >Wallbangers results when students drill so much on nonsense word fluency that they bangs their heads against the wall. The Acting Surgeon General refused to confirm the rumor that this phenomenon has also been reported in faculty rooms in Houston, Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago.


    — Susan Ohanian
    The Eggplant

    2009-02-13


    INDEX OF THE EGGPLANT


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