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Obama Opens Chevy Dealership on White House Lawn: Slashes Prices on Malibus, Cobalts

I can't resist borrowing
Borowitz today. Think of the possibilities for

by Andy Borowitz

In a move signaling his most direct involvement
in the U.S. auto industry to date, President
Barack Obama announced today that he was
opening a Chevrolet dealership on the White
House lawn.

As car-carriers dumped hundreds of unsold 2009
Malibus, Silverados and Cobalts onto the grass
in front of the President's historic residence,
workmen draped a banner in front of the White
House portico reading "Buy a Chevrolet from the

Another crew of workers were busy erecting a
new sign in front of the White House reading
"Barry's Auto City," the name of Mr. Obama's

In a new TV ad broadcast nationwide, the
president was seen wearing an Uncle Sam costume
and telling the American people, "We are
slashing prices on 2009 Chevys to make room for
the 2010s, if there still are Chevys by then."

Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said that all
Cabinet members were taking turns running the
dealership, and that Vice-President Joe Biden
was manning the customer service hotline.

Customers calling the hotline complained that
wait times were as long as thirty minutes and
that Mr. Biden was overly chatty, but Mr.
Emanuel stressed that the customer service
department was "a work in progress."

He added that once President's Chevy dealership
is up and running, Mr. Obama will open a
Chrysler dealership next to it.

"This will be your last chance to get a low,
low price on a Chrysler before it turns into a
Fiat," he said.

— Andy Borowitz
Borowitz Report


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