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What's in a Name?

We don't usually grant visitor status here at The Eggplant, but here's a worthy submission.

by Muffy Worthington

I must say that Smelly and I are absolutely enthralled with the Obama administration, and his splendiferous education secretary Arne Duncan. Though I must say I had my doubts when Obama was first elected--I mean look at his wife! -- and then when his cabinet secretary was first named I really wasn't sure.

I mean the fellow is rather gawky and from Chicago no less. And his name --Duncan Doughnuts was all I could think of. But he has quickly proved himself to be one of us, with brilliant ideas like forcing more charter schools on the system, by bribing states with taxpayer money. Though Smelly says its supposed to be called stimulus funds, that seems a bit racy to me.

After all, if we don't force states to accept more charter schools, how are our children and our friends' children going to spend their time between college and Wall Street?

I mean, look at Smelly's hedge fund buddies, Julian Robertson and Michael Steinhardt. Both their children have started their own charter schools -in Brooklyn, no less. . Our nephew Porter is starting his own charter school this fall, after only one year with TFA, and our daughter Buffy plans to start her own charter as soon as she graduates from Penn.

She wants to start one in Harlem, to cut down on her commuting time from the Upper East Side, or perhaps downtown, if she chooses to slum it in the Village.

Luckily, Joel has promised us that wherever Buffy decides, she will be provided with quality real estate in an existing public school so that she doesn't have to dip into her trust fund to rent space. He's promised to provide free food, transportation, and anything else she needs for her school, and help recruit students as well, so that there will be plenty left over to feed her Manolo Blahnik habit.

But I'm a little worried that this woman, Eva Muskowitz (is that her name?) will have taken all the good spaces by that time. I must speak to Joel about that soon.

The other problem is that all the good school names are being used up! Harlem Success Academy, Harlem Children's Zone, Harlem Democracy Prep, Harlem Village Academy, Harlem Day; what names will be left for Buffy's school? It's really a puzzle. Harlem Worthington Academy?

— Muffy Worthington
Billionaires for Education


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