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Arne Duncan appoints Dolores Umbridge as New Test Czar

by Stephen Krashen

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan announced today that famed educator Dolores Umbridge will be heading up a new effort to create national tests based on national standards, as outlined in the recently published Blueprint for Reform.

Mr. Duncan noted that Ms. Umbridge's philosophy of education is quite similar to that his administration, which has claimed that the top priority in education today is the creation of rigorous standards and tests to enforce the standards.

Ms. Umbridge, is the former Headmistress of The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and is famous for her statement to students concerned about the relevance of classroom instruction to practical knowledge, " � a theoretical knowledge will be sufficient to get you through your examinations, which after all, is what school is all about."

"We have a lot of heavy lifting to do," said Mr. Duncan in announcing the new appointment. "Schools will soon have so many tests to give we may have to lengthen the school day just to fit them all in."

Test Czar Dolores Umbridge: All instruction must be test-prep

Newly appointed Testing Czar Dolores Umbridge, with the approval of Secretary Duncan, has issued her first decree, a slight modification of Educational Decree 26, originally covering instruction at the Hogwarts School. The original decree is as follows:

Educational Decree 26: Teachers are hereby banned from giving students information that is not strictly related to the subject they are paid to teach.

The new decree, now official US Department of Education policy, is:

Teachers are hereby banned from giving students information that is not strictly related to the material covered on tests approved by the US Department of Education.

"We have a lot of heavy lifting to do," said Mr. Duncan, in approving the new decree. "We will need extensive monitoring to make sure everybody is on track."

— Stephen Krashen
Schools Matter


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