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All You Wanted to Know About Standardistos But Were Afraid to Ask

Here's a chance to score yourself on a rigorous, scientific Standardisto rating scale.

How Many Teachers Does It Take to Change a Standardisto?

Nobody knows. It's never been done.

Take this Standardisto quiz: Score 1 point for each "Yes."

You're a Standardisto if. . .

  • Your favorite bedtime reading matter is Nation at Risk.

  • You think E. D. Hirsch's Cultural Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know would make a great mini-series.

  • You name your dog Cut-Score.

  • You name your first child Frederick Winslow.

  • You think "getting back to one's roots" means retaking the SATs every five years.

  • You think a remake of "The Stepford Wives" should be about a community that embraces the Common Core Curriculum and Assessment Standards.

  • For a birthday present, you ask for your own high speed test scoring machine.

  • When Airport Security asks to see your ID, you pull out your SAT scores.

  • You think Starbucks is a student test score incentive system.

  • Your favorite recipe begins, "Take a gross of No. 2 pencils. . . ."

  • You own a time share at Pearson VUE.

  • You think the U. S. Department of Education should be renamed The U. S. Bureau of Student Weights and Measures.

  • You're organizing a Neighborhood Watch for supply chain planning and implementation tools for administration of Common Core Assessments.

  • You are certified to lead a Michelle Rhee Critical Incident Command and Disaster Recovery System workshop(patent pending).

  • You believe a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for a successful life.

  • You're not pro-life or pro-choice; you're pro-testing.

  • You've appeared on John Merrow's Learning Matters more than twice.

  • You tithe to the National Alliance for Rigor Rendition

  • You're the official Congressional lobbyist for celebration of National Bubble Kid Appreciation Month (To replace California Dried Prune Digestive Month).

  • You never say, "There's no right answer."

  • You never say, "Honey, I think Johnny's been tested enough!"

  • Your high school class voted you most likely to make 3rd graders cry.

  • The Romantic Side Score 3 1/2 points for each 'yes' answer

    You're a Standardisto if:

  • Your dating service matches you up with a test corrector.

  • You think "showing a girl a good time" means letting her take a peek at the questions on the high-stakes graduation tests.

  • Your prenuptial agreement specifies minimum test scores.

  • You registered for wedding gifts at Kaplan, Inc.

  • You exchanged vows in the basement archives of discarded test questions at a CTB/McGraw Hill warehouse in Peoria.

  • You requested the Honeymoon Suite at Harcourt Assessment.

  • You and your spouse honeymooned at the Standardised Test Incident First Responders Bootcamp: ED DOE 380, 652, and 972 Levels.

  • You leave space in your wedding album for retest results.

  • Score Yourself

    44-50 Report immediately to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. You're ready for their leadership team.

    38-43 You're on the cusp of success. Apply for a summer training grant from the Broad Foundation for a jolt of entrepreneurial energy.

    20-37 Seek advice from Joanne Weiss at the U. S. Department of Education. She has a plan for you.

    10-19 You could write editorials for The New York Times.

    0-9 Why did you take this quiz?

    — Susan Ohanian
    The Eggplant



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