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Standards Cache Found at Nigerian Airport
News that's guaranteed you will read nowhere else.
Attention: Most Honorable Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan, Washington, DC
From: Barrister Ramat Obasanjo Usman Shagari, First Deputy for Standards, LLD, Federal Government of Nigeria
Dear Honored Sir,
I greet you with Good News!
First I must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction. By virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret, I am sure and have confidence of your ability and reliability to prosecute a transaction of such magnitude involving a pending transaction requiring maximum confidence.
We are top officials of the Federal Government Review Panel, Federal Government of Nigeria, and it has come to our attention that 643,286,042 genuine certified standards were found in a warehouse at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport. The validity of these standards is assured by the fact that they are wrapped in Pearson PLC Common Stock certificates.
We know of your high commitment to standards and know that these missing standards must be weighing heavily on your soul.
Our office wishes to alleviate this burden and return to you the rightful standards which are the heritage of your people. This can happen almost immediately. We must, of course, avoid Nigerian customs, which is regrettably corrupt.
To make sure the transaction is conveyed with all due speed and accuracy, we need a few small fees from you, esteemed Duncan, to cross other palms with friendship and gratitude and to hire a plane to return that which is yours. I, Barrister Ramat Obasanjo Usman Shagari pledge to personally fly these standards to you with utmost care and speed.
Please let me ask whether you can at the moment soonest respond at this email address and let me know that you are willing to deposit $33 billion in the Standard Chartered Bank Nigeria Ltd, 105B Ajose Adeogun Street, Victoria Island, Lagos. I will, of course, provide you with the necessary account numbers and transmission information.
This is 100% (ONE HUNDRED PERCENT) risk free!
Please contact us to firm up details and to exchange pleasantries on necessary fees!
Yours Most Fully Sincerely and Honorably,
Ramat Obasanjo Usman Shagari
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