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WARRANTY: Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Standards

What is the Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Standards Limited Warranty?

The National Governors Association Center for Best Practice (NGA Center) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO), working at the behest of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, warrant that the product known as Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Standards is free from defects in workmanship. It will perform as advertised when properly installed, used, and maintained in accordance with written instructions, recommended staff development, and rigorous teacher evaluation. Failure to adhere to and/or comply with operation manual instructions will void all associated warranty obligations

Common Core State Curriculum Standards Protection Plan

Teachers will be held liable for delivering Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Skills to future workers in the Global Economy unless their classrooms are made uninhabitable by the following large-scale exceptional circumstance: terrorist attack, UFO invasion, flood, volcano eruption, earthquake, hurricane, or Elvis sighting.

Teachers suffering the following losses may appeal for six-month reduction in Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Skill Delivery Responsibilities according to the following schedule:

Loss......................Lesson Reduction

Life.............................................................................100%
Both Hands and Both Feet or Sight of Both Eyes ........94%
One Hand and One Foot ............................................. 78%
One Hand and Sight of One Eye ..................................72%
One Foot and Sight of One Eye ...................................68%
One Hand, One Foot or Sight of One Eye ....................52%

NOTE:
Loss of a hand or foot means complete severance at or above the wrist or ankle joint. Loss of sight of an eye means complete and irrecoverable loss of sight.


NOTE: Death of a student can interrupt Common Core State [sic] Standards curriculum if and only if:

1) Student dies in the classroom;

and

2) The event occurs more than 8 working days before the day of next interim testing.

NOTE: The following circumstances do not qualify for reduction in Common Core State [sic] Standards Curriculum Skill Delivery responsibilities. Teachers experiencing any of the following events are responsible for maintaining their curriculum delivery status or providing a qualified substitute:

1. a Domestic Partner's, Family Member's or Teaching Partner's suicide, attempted suicide, or intentionally self-inflicted injury, while sane or insane;

2. mental, nervous, or psychological disorders;

3. normal pregnancy or resulting childbirth or elective abortion;

4. elective medical treatment that could be scheduled during holiday break;

5. participation in an act of war;

6. participation in a civil disorder;

7. injury while mountain climbing, bungee cord jumping, skydiving, parachuting, hang gliding, parasailing or travel on any air supported device, other than on a regularly scheduled airline or air charter company;

8. any criminal acts, committed by the teacher;

Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Lesson Cancellation and/or Interruption of Schedule

IMMEDIATELY notify your Coach, Scheduler, Evaluator, Data Collector, and Lesson Administrator to report your Cancellation/Schedule Interruption. The Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Schedule Administrator will then advise you on how to obtain the appropriate forms to be completed by you and the attending representative from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Duration of this warranty

This limited warranty is designed to last for two years, the length of Teach for America expert teachers' classroom tenure. Other teachers who insist on staying longer may apply for a fixed warranty period from date of first lesson. To determine the warranty specifically for your standards delivery position, visit www.GatesFoundation.org .

What does this limited warranty not cover?

The limited warranty does not cover damage resulting from tampering, modifying, or adding to the standards as they are written. THIS LIMITED WARRANTY DOES NOT PROVIDE ANY OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF CHILD INTEREST AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

How is this liability limited?

The Common Core State [sic] Standards and its affiliates, suppliers, distributors, and cheerleaders are not liable for any of the following: 1) third-party claims against you for damages (including psychic trauma, bodily injury, including death) 2) loss of, or damage to, the professionalism of any involved party.

How do local laws apply?

You may have other rights which vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but don't count on it.

Acknowledgment: The Common Core State [sic] Curriculum Standards Warranty Commission would like to thank the American Federation of Teachers, the National Education Association, NCTE, IRA, and NCTM executive boards, and the national PTA for their ongoing cooperation with out mission and our goals. Without their help, Bill Gates would have a harder time getting his way.

— Susan Ohanian
The Eggplant

2011-10-23


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