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Race for the Drones, Part 2
Readers can find Part I on the Race for the Drones competition for public schools here
by Harlan Underhill
Coming soon: "hell fire" missiles to "fire" teachers whose performance drops below a certain level.
Lesson gets boring, just take out the teacher, boom.
Drones that take out teachers put in place the corporate solution perfected by General Electric CEO Jack Welch: Continuously eliminate the bottom 10%. Subjecting 10% of the teaching force to an annual take-out by drone offers the added benefit that there will always be room at the bottom for new teachers.
If a new student asks another what that toy model airplane is doing hovering over the playground, the already enrolled student can explain, "Oh that's just our teacher drone. We've already lost three this year. Old Miss Hooper in Geometry, Mr. Fancy in Art, and Mr. Rush in Social Studies/Coaching. He forgot his movie one day, and while he was trying to think what to say, this missile came right in through the window and nailed him to the smart board, which he didn't know how to use anyway. It's real fun to see a dull teacher go up in flames. It's like those Nazis in Indiana Jones melting. All that was left of him was a greasy stain and his wedding ring."
"How come they never hit a student?"
"Microsoft software. It can tell a brain dead adult from a hung over or smoked-out student."
"Geeze. Ain't technology wonderful."
There is a fledgling grassroots movement to turn the Drone technology on Arne Duncan himself. If national scores do not go up, if everyone is not proficient by 2014, fire a missile at Duncan. Have him eliminated by one of his own drones, secretly programmed to go after him.
Times' running out, Arne.
— Harlan Underhill
2012-02-15
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