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With Help from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation , U. S. Mint and U. S. Department of Education Join Hands in New Ed Reform Effort

Another in our series of news you will read nowhere else.

Press Release

Foggy Bottom, Washington, D. C.--In the spirit of national unity and ensuring prosperity and highly qualified workers in the Global Economy, the U. S. Mint and the U. S. Department of Education, acting under a special grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, will combine their talents to produce a new 17-cent coin. The coin will incorporate new design features not found on any other U. S. Coinage. The phrase "In God We Trust" will be enhanced and expanded to read "In God and Phonemic Awareness We Trust." (IGPAWE)

The Reverse side will feature a striking image of a DIBELS Reading Test. (DIRT)

This new coin complements the U. S. Department of Education Strategic Plan:

The United State Department of Education applies world-class business practices in making, selling, and protecting our Nation's coinage and assets as a critical step in ensuring workers for the Global Economy.
--U.S. Department of Education Strategic Plan (USDOESP)

A spokesperson for Arne Duncan observed, "Our mission is to protect the nation's kindergartners from all that naptime and playing with clay (PNKFAT)." He acknowledged that a special 15-cent coin had been minted during Margaret Spellings tenure, saying, "Please note the increased value we place on teachers as trainers for tomorrow's Global Economy workforce."

Bill Gates, busy with Monsanto planting genetically modified corn seeds in Africa, could not be at the launch but issued this statement:

As I noted in my 2012 annual letter, throughout my careers in software and philanthropy, a recurring theme has been that innovation is the key to improving the world. When innovators work on urgent the results can be magical. We are proud to sponsor this 17-coin as part of the magic reform of public education. (BILL$MAGIC)

Special Offer
As a special offer, each proof set of the new 17- cent coin honoring education will come with a handcrafted Highly Qualified Teacher Pouch (HQTP) and a Certificate of Authenticity (COA), hand-signed by the Highly Qualified Teacher (HQT) who crafted it, stating the name of the union and/or professional organization willing to collaborate on one more federal fandangle. The United States Mint and the U. S. Department of Education are working closely with NEA, AFT, IRA, NCTE, and NCTM advisors to identify Highly Qualified Teachers to craft each unique pouch. An NCTE spokesperson stated, "We know that teachers appreciate this opportunity to have a Seat At the Table (SAT)."

Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers (AFT), noted, "We at the AFT are committed to being on the forefront of education reform (FEDREF) and are happy to cooperate in this exciting venture. Our schools have to be fundamentally different today than they were 100 years ago. So should our coinage. This coin update will help prepare today's children for tomorrow's knowledge economy. The affordability of this coin will make it available to all economic groups, so that even parents not making a living wage can show their children that education is as vital in their community as it is in more affluent areas."

— Susan Ohanian
The Eggplant



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