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Microsoft and US DOE Join Hands Over Left Big Toe of Perfect Teacher
Redmond, Wash.
Washington, DC-- October 5, 2013
In a joint announcement, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the U. S. Department of Education today made public a partnership that has resulted in successfully generating teacher left big toe tissue from iPS cells (induced pluripotent stem cells). Joining Bill Gates and Arne Duncan was project advisor David Coleman, president of the College Board.
Bill Gates announced, "As I told Wired Magazine earlier this year, "As long as classroom experience stays the same, it probably won't educate kids any better than it did 20 years ago. Now we're on the cusp of changing that classroom experience."
Touching Gates' arm, Secretary of Education Arne Duncan grinned, "You betcha!"
The Microsoft research was jointly funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the U. S. Department of Education, with curriculum advice from Common Core architect David Coleman. Now president of the College Board, Coleman received enthusiastic praise from Jeb Bush in Time for showing "what this country can accomplish when our leaders work together." Coleman said some of his best friends are teachers and there's no reason for them to feel threatened by a supra-big left toe.
In a News Release, Microsoft Corporation researchers announced that they have taken "blank slates" capable of being programmed to become any kind of cell in the body--and turned those cells into a teacher's left big toe. Embedded in that toe are the Common Core Standards.
"While we have work ahead of us to produce a complete teacher, we are making the focused investments need to deliver on long-term growth opportunities," said Delphinium Detrius, Chief Research Information Metrics Executor (CRIME) at Microsoft.
As Microsoft chief executive officer Steve Ballmer announced in July, "We are working hard to deliver compelling new devices and high value experiences from Microsoft and our partners in the coming months, including new Windows 8.1 tablets and PCs."
"First Wiindows 8.1 tablets and now a teacher's left big toe!" exclaimed Arne Duncan, adding, "And the automated teacher won't need six legs like the Mondo Spider robot I drove at the 2012 USA Science & Engineering Festival."
"Yes to art, yes to music, yes to debate, yes to academic decathlon, yes to robotics! You can count on it!" promised Duncan.
Bill Gates gave a hint of this development earlier this year when he told Business Insider that robots and automated technology will be a huge trend somewhere in the near future.
Now, with the left big toe of the perfect teacher, Microsoft leads the way in creating "infinite machine learning" to perform tasks in the classroom on behalf of the Business Roundtable.
Gates, Duncan, and Coleman closed the announcement ceremony by singing a revised chorus of "We're Making it Happen."
We're Making It Happen
You and us helping the economy
Together we're making it happen
On and on, stemming the ed deficit tide
Together we're making it happen
We're making the bells of ed progress sing
By getting into that, that wonderful swing
We're adding new notes to those ed gap blue notes
By and by, we never say die
Together we're making it happen
We're making the bells of ed progress ring
By getting into that, that wonderful swing
We're adding new notes to those ed blue notes
Together we're making it happen.
LEFT BIG TOE, GO!
LEFT BIG TOE, GO!
Today the left big toe,
Tomorrow the whole torso.
GO! GO! GO!
Blog
2013-10-05
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